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Walking down the long dark street…
The shy moon looming over
Behind scattered gray shadows
Watching over the world…
Over us poor souls
Lost in the cold universe

My ragged breath
Stained the icy air
With sallow swirling ghosts
Dissolving into nothingness

My eyes suddenly fall…
On two beating hearts
A boy and his girl
Walking slowly before me
Holding hands
Smiling those hopeful smiles
Looking into each others eyes
The kind of look that can say
What a tongue can never do

They seemed gleaming
Tearing all gathering darkness
Warmth filled me
All gloom vanished
The power of innocent love
Drove the coldness out

I passed them swiftly
The lump in my throat growing
Solitude mounting
With every step away
A watery something slid
Down my face
And fell to the long dark street
With the tiniest splash
No one could hear
©2005-2009 ~TheSoleEmulator
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Submitted: August 26, 2005
File Size: 1.1 KB
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Comments: 37
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Comments


thank u so much!

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:heart: Rachel.
Wow. :wow:

I love it. Fantastic poetry.

:+fav:

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"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future.
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures." ~Postal Service
Thank u !!!

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:heart: Rachel.
Excellent. You use imagery to portray emotion and the scene very well.

The tense sort of confused me in the beginning, however. You don't specifically give the first stanza a tense, but perhaps it is just the word "walking" that makes the reader seem that they are in the present. Despite that, there isn't much to say about it, because, well, emotional poems usually shouldn't be critiqued for the simple fact that they are based on emotion and changing things might take away from the raw emotion behind the words, and also because this is just damn good poetry right here.

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Another bright idea from the think tank. Why don't you both come up here; leave the prisoner by herself. We'll put her on the honor system, make her guard herself.
Wow now thats one informed comment thanks man!! why are u offline in AIM!!

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:heart: Rachel.
Omg...:wow: BRILLIANT POETRY! :clap: it so rocks!!! Yr really tallented!

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Children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day.
Put more laughter in your day! :heart:
I highly enjoy how you set the scene in the first stanza, and the poem's story-like feel. It's a very lonely feeling piece, but, aye, lovely write once more.

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>^. .^<
i´m voiceless the are no words that can bescribe this one

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:butterflytwo: fjaril :frail: fjaril :butterflytwo:
Wonderful poem! It's really beautiful, good imagery. Can you help me? Do you put poems on the same way as you would art? I'm just confused because I want to put some of my poetry on this site.

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